by Phyllis Ducey

"God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power,
and a sound mind

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Reality bites and love hurts? The most wonderful loves in our lives are often the most painful. As a mom, wife, daughter and grandmother my worst moments were when those I loved suffered and I could not do anything to help.

I watched my mother take 18 months to die. Wondering daily what good could come out of her lingering and the effects it had on our family. We had her come live with us for a year and during that time she needed 24-hour care. We were blessed that she had enough money to pay for a live-in caregiver to assist in her care at our house (cheaper than a nursing home). Most days I'd check in on her before work, then would go to my church (I had keys) and sit in a pew in the dark alone crying before the Lord. I would read the psalms of David. I often relate well to David because he has a tendency to wallow in self-pity, throw a bit of a tantrum and then succumbs to God's will AND finishes praising God for his trials. At the time I could not pray, I just read David's psalms out loud and let him lead me into praise.

I was never the "natural" mother type. I thought I might as well have a kid because it seemed like what I should do. I stumbled through motherhood but my daughter was born to be a mother. (I think I was born to be a grandmother.) She always loved kids and knew that is what she wanted. When she struggled for years trying to get pregnant, it hurt tremendously. I could not understand God's purpose and I could not fix it for her. Finally after she went through 5 tearful, hormonal, anguishing years, she adopted her first child. She has since given birth to an additional 5 babies, one of which never went to term and is waiting to meet her in heaven.

Probably the most gut wrenching event was watching my son go from being a "normal" 26+ year old person who worked full time and went to school to him returning home and being in a fetal position in bed for months, not being able to function and barely communicate. Each day, my husband and I wondered when we returned home if he would be dead or alive. I would cringe inside as I would walk to his room to see. Over the course of the past 7 years we have watched him take steps to improve, they are slow but there. He is still not able to leave the house. We are told that this kind of personality disorder onsets in their twenties and will remain with him. We are never to expect him to live a "normal" life. (Of course, I do believe all things are possible through Christ and will not have false expectations but always hope in Him.)

So does life bite and love hurt? At times without a doubt. I share a few of my painful moments in hopes of giving you something that each in your own way can relate. We each have different trials, pains, gut wrenching moments... moments that seem like hours, months and years until they have passed. When I realize the depth of our pain in watching our loved ones suffer and how as a parent, I can't think of anything more painful than seeing my children in pain, suffering or struggling to get through, I find I cannot even remotely fathom the depth of God's feelings for us.

With Easter being a few days away, it seems like the best time to contemplate the depth of His love. How can we even remotely comprehend that God's only Son dwelling in perfect harmony in what we refer to as heaven would seek to take on a shell of a human, feel human pain, grieve as a human, weep as a human and love as a human? What pain it must have been to watch His Son get spit on, tortured and treated like dirt then left to die on the cross? Even more so that time of separation when all our sins blocked the light between Father and Son...

Oh God, what love you must have for us.

Let us recall the suffering, to remember our deepest hurts, to dwell on the gut wrenching pain that we have felt for our loved ones. Then let us take the time to dwell on the awesome love of God that has taken on all our suffering and our sins to the cross. How great is that love? We have no choice in watching our loved ones suffer, they are in our lives and unless we walk away to try not to feel the pain, we are stuck. But God had a choice and He still did it out of love. Jesus was so overwhelmed by what He was about to experience on the cross that He sweat blood but He chose to do it for us.

That is the power of love!

I cannot bring myself to showcase anyone's shops this week. The only one I want to showcase is our incredible Creator, lover of our souls, Savior, Rock, Redeemer and King.

May the eyes of your heart be opened to the depth of His great love for you.

Comments (8)

On March 28, 2010 at 10:23 PM , mattscraftywife said...

This is a beautiful, heart-wrenching, lovely post about God's love and the heartache of life. Thank you for sharing some of your personal stories, Phyllis. *hugs*


On March 29, 2010 at 12:28 AM , new creationz said...

Phyllis - your love for your Lord shines through. Thank you for this moving account. Praise be to Him for ever and ever, Amen!

On March 29, 2010 at 6:01 AM , Julie Riisnaes said...

Thank you for encouraging us to use our sufferings to help us understand a little of God's love

On March 29, 2010 at 7:48 PM , sammysgrammy said...

Phyllis, I praise God that your sorows have made you better not bitter. I believe that is exactly God's purpose in permitting them in our lives. As you wept along with David in the psalms, the Lord was preparing you as He prepared David (the one after His own heart) through the afflictions for this present assignment He has for you, just as He did David

Rita (sammysgrammy)

On March 29, 2010 at 11:34 PM , Princess Daffy said...

I love the story of Jesus' victory over death!

I am forever grateful for the love poured out for me, and for the Savior who died so that I might live.

I LOVE You Lord Jesus!

On March 30, 2010 at 12:07 AM , KippysSoMature said...

Wow - I hardly know what to write or say, but thank you Phyllis, and Thank you Lord Jesus ♥

On March 30, 2010 at 11:27 AM , Mary said...

Thank you so much for this post. I often find myself in anguish over the difficulties my children are having and feel helpless. Thanks you for reminding me that I am indeed helpless but God is not! He is our helper!

On March 30, 2010 at 12:32 PM , button said...

After reading your precious post, Some words of scripture come to mind. Jesus said, "In the world you will have tribulation, but, be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world". Then, the beautiful words in revelation that tell us He will wipe away all tears from our eyes. There will be no more sorrow or pain. Thank you for this heartfelt post and reminder of what the Lord Jesus has done for us. It's good for us to remember how He died. Why He died. At any moment Jesus could have cried out to Father and thousands of angels would have been released to rescue Him from His suffering. But, because of His great love for us He endured the cross. He could see the Glory that was to come. He rose! He lives! He is coming again! Thank you so much, Lord. (crying grateful tears now)